Something has really been on my heart lately and that is to share my story...the real one.
As many as you may know, I accepted Christ and was baptized when I was 7, but that is not the complete truth. Others of you may know that I had gotten off the right path and rededicated my life last summer, but that's not the complete truth either. Let me just stop right now and apologize to everyone who thinks either of these are the case. I made everyone believe a lie and I know I can't take it back now, but I so wish I could. Claiming myself as a Christian when I wasn't one was so wrong and I regret it so much, but it's in the past and all I can do is move on. Again, I am so sorry.
Here is the real story:
Ever since the day I was born I was in the church and grew up in a Christian home, which I am so blessed I did. When I was 7, all my friends were accepting Christ and getting baptized, and so what did I do? I prayed the prayer to receive Christ and was baptized. But it wasn't real. It was all head knowledge and was never heart knowledge. When middle and high school came around, a lot of things happened in which turned me away from Christ and wanted nothing to do with Him. I would always run away from the problem instead of dealing with it, or would deal with it on my own in my own way. During these years, especially my high school years, there were many times when I was depressed and questioned a lot of different things, especially asking the famous question, "why?" me. But my whole life I acted as if I were a Christian and made everyone believe I was, but that is far from the truth. All throughout my life I knew I needed to accept Christ for real, but I kept telling myself I was already saved. Christ was always speaking to my heart and I would 'accept' Him at camps and such (those mountain top feelings), but then go on with the way I was living. It was never a real decision...until last summer. I was at rock bottom and had no where else to go, I was tired of running away, I wanted something better in my life, and I didn't want to be a slave to Satan anymore. I wanted to be free. I can remember that night like it was yesterday. As I was crying out to God running into His open arms I completely felt the darkness that was surrounding me just flee and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was finally free. Up until last summer, I was going through the motions of being a Christian, but since then, I have lived the Christian life and was baptized the Sunday before I left for school this year. I was convicted so much that I needed to follow through in baptism, so I was obedient and did just that. Ever since July 10, 2011 my life has not been the same. I have grown in my Savior, Jesus Christ so much and I still am everyday and I would not trade it for anything. Ever. This does not mean that my life is perfect. It's far from it and it never will be. I still have those rough seasons in life, but it's through those that I grow even closer to Him.
"...my greatest growth and the deepest truths God has to offer have been accomplished through the fiercest storms." - Mary Southerland
